BRCA babies

   

January 4th 2020

Having a weak moment looking back of pictures of my little star as a newborn.

Feeling really sad that the chances of me having anymore are substantially less now I know about my BRCA mutation. For a number of reasons.

I feel I am being incredibly selfish, I have been blessed with the most incredible daughter who is my whole world, she is utterly perfect and amazing. However I feel I am still mourning and grieving for potential future children I always assumed and took for granted that they were a possibility.

I am mourning for never getting that exciting positive test result, for feeling the first kicks and scan photos, for growing and having that little person with me at all time, holding and smelling the newborn, the newborn cries, and the incredible feeling of feeding that tiny person, milk drunk.

I feel selfish for Emma, my daughter. I feel selfish as many woman cant have children and I already have a child and that should be enough for me not to feel this way. I love my little girl to bits and would never take her for granted, yet I am still struggling with this overwhelming sadness that my childbearing days are over before I was ready to make that conscious decision on my terms.

Sometimes it all just feels shit and remaining positive all the time is just too hard.

#brca1 #geneticmutation #hereditarycancer #breastcancer #ovariancancer #pregnany #baby #grief #genes